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Monday, April 14, 2014

18 Things I Will Never...

When we move into our upper thirties (I refuse to call it late thirties as I'm always prompt), we settle into our roles.  We all get to chill in this phase of life because that scary mid-life crisis is over the next peak of later, not today.  It's calm here and it's easy to release old dreams that will never come to be.  So in an effort of letting go of the past, here is a list of things I've accepted I'll never do.  Some are dreams that drift off in a vapory wake, others are just stuff I know I'll never....

1.  I will never be in the military.  In high school I thought about joining the NAVY so I could be in the band.  No lie!  It's embarrassing, but true.  I still live by military rules being a military spouse, so I suppose that's close enough.

2.  I will never be a size 0 again.  My kids took care of that for me.  The hips are just naturally wider.  Thanks for the curves kiddos!

3.  I will never skydive.  I accept the fear and have no desire to test my strength in that regard.

4.  I will never be a professional dancer.  This dream pretty much died after college, but I will never stop dancing.  The only payment I'll get is if someone pays me to stop.

5.  I will never consistently be the smartest guy in the room.  I can hold my own.  I'm not ignorant, but I find things slipping through my mind like sand through an hourglass.  Maybe I should try that luminosity site.  

6.  I will never play a sport professionally, although I may start training for curling.  Can't anybody do that?

7.  I will never fall out of love with my husband who tells me I haven't changed much since our honeymoon.  God bless that man.  No matter what happens I will always think that he is the dreamiest.

8.  I will never be able to wear really high heels again.  Two foot surgeries have made Birkenstocks my favorite footwear, along with OluKai flip flops.  Those fetching strappy sandals are a thing of the past.

9.  I will never be surprised by how quickly time passes.  I will not blink because it slips away so fast.  Don't take one minute for granted.

10.  I will never regret getting a dog.  We suffered through "puppydom".  Now my corgi is a cherished member of our family.

11.  I will never be a fan of boy bands.  Sorry to a couple of younger friends and family, but I can't get on board.

12.  I will never love the Red Sox.  I can nod in approval if their team is good, but I will never love them.  Good baseball is good baseball, but I bleed blue baby.  Go Yankees!

13.  I will never eat mustard.  That is the most disgusting substance known to man.

14.  I will never believe that my happiness is someone else's responsibility.

15.  I will never pierce my nose or nipples, or anything that isn't an ear.

16.  I will never have a boob job.  I hate barfing from anesthesia and I always do after surgery.  So a handful will have to be enough barring some life altering diagnosis.

17.  I will never put a plastic, blow up Easter bunny in my yard.  They do not belong, those creepy buggers.

18. I will never feel at ease paying for a pedicure or a haircut.  How much do you tip?  This has gotten easier over the years, but an awkwardness remains.  I still get nervous like a little kid!  What the hell is my problem?

There are 18 on my list because that was the age the old dreams could have come true.  At 18 I could have been adventurous enough to take more risks and do weird things.  At 18 I didn't know shit and the world was my oyster.  They say ,"never say never", but I'm pretty secure with this list.  So many dreams I didn't know I had have already come true and I still have time to make my other dreams a reality if I work hard and fast. I'll take upper 30s over 18 any day.

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