Sibling Rivalry And The Murder Of Mother's Love

They're trying to murder me.  The bickering and nasty back biting is killing the very spirit that I enjoy as a mother.  The teacher, the inspiration, the cheerleader, and the provider of unconditional love were all in jeopardy this morning.

Homeschooling is not for the weak.  Controlling my frustration and aggravation has taken more willpower than anything I have ever done in my life.  We chose homeschool because my kids are worth it.  The only problem arises when I feel like I'm worth more than this.  

I'm worth more than the apathy and the angst I get from the students.  I'm worth more than being cooped up in a tiny room in my home.  I'm worth more than having no time for anything, but them.  Sounds resentful doesn't it?

That was me this morning.  Then I stopped and listened to my whiney self.  

"Suck it up buttercup!" ran through my head and those boot straps got yanked up.

All of the Grandmas would say, "They'll be gone in a blink."  I'm trying to remember these types of comments in the moments when I would rather string these kids up by their toenails.  

When I have to nag 50 times to get them to do something I will say to myself, "they still want you around."  

After I discover a wet towel on a bedroom floor (something we have tried to change since they were 3), I will simply say to myself, "they are clean and healthy."

After a meal when they retreat to their electronics leaving me and my husband to clean up I'll say, "they have full bellies."

When they argue with me I'll say, "they know I love them."

In the midst of a sibling WWF event I'll say, "remember when you found them reading to each other?"

After a trying day getting them to do their schoolwork I'll say, "you get to stay home and know that they'll understand it eventually because you don't quit."

This homeschooling thing isn't forever.  It's a short lived opportunity to get my kids to understand the value of their role in their own education.  This is a gift.  I KNOW what they are learning.  I KNOW that this education will be used in their futures.  I KNOW that they will one day thank me for it.  

With any luck their rivalry will not murder my maternal instincts first.  Instead something will click and they will strive for the greatness I see in them.  Oh heavens let me hear the click!!  

Monster one flashback

Monster two flashback