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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Don't Give It Head Space

A few years ago I internalized a piece of advice that my lovely Grandmother Bea gave to me.  I don't even recall what I was fussing about at the time, which validates what she was teaching.  "Don't give it head space darlin'" is what she said.  To this day, it is a vital part of my daily life.

Drama will find you if you let it, especially if you are female.  For some reason the xx-chromosomed lot likes to cluck like a bunch of hens in their hen house.  Yes I'm not above the fray here.  I like to talk.  We ladies use an estimated 20, 000+ words a day.  Add writing to that and we're blowing away the competition.  Just look up how many bloggers are women versus how many are men!  Men are estimated to use less than 10, 000 words a day.  There's only one man I know who could rival the ladies and he shall remain nameless.

So the choice of behavior is what I'm evaluating here.  We each get a daily choice to deal with what we allow in our head space and what we won't.  We get a choice to say nice things or to use venomous words that seep out without negative intent, but possibly cause negative impact at the same time.  When we hear the venom seep out of someone else, the choice to give it head space or not is what we each could use some work on.  Conscious behavior here is choosing the words we use and evaluating what is allowed to change our day.

As we age, this ability gets so much easier.  I recall being devastated by what someone had said about me when I was younger.  Now I go by the firm, "I don't give a f{^%" mantra I use from the genius words of a stand up routine by Wanda Sykes.  Say what you want, but it really works.  Yes I sound like a sailor and I apologize to the "offended".  That routine resonated with me because I really believe life is too short to give head space to anything that will cause emotional discomfort.  I am not under any orders to change the world.  I am not under any orders to change anybody's beliefs or views of me.  I am solid in my belief in myself.  That is truly all that matters.  Sound cocky?  "I don't give a..."  

That being said we all should move through our days using the golden rule and choosing our words wisely.  Nobody wants to be the gal who is talked about in a negative way.  We all should move through our days using words that are consciously and carefully chosen, even if they do not jive with what someone else may believe.  Though without a doubt, those who are closest to you will likely hear the most "colorful" version of what you believe.  It is a skill to say what you mean and mean what you say without tearing up the world of someone else.  Nobody can possibly put themselves in someone else's shoes.  You can try, but each of us is on his own journey.  What we use to affect those around us is a behavior under our control.  How we react to people in our worlds is under our control.  In fact your behavior is one of the only things you can control.

Being honest with yourself is the first step in allowing head space for things that are enlightening.  Be sure that what you choose to say to one person would be the same thing you would say to the next.  Sometimes what you say may be tough for the next person to hear, but if it is honest and well intentioned than you can let those words rest in the ears of those who just might be listening.  

My Grandmother is one of the wisest people I know.  She is the breed of woman we all should follow.  Her steely brand of smarts is what we all should be buying.  Her ability to remain strong in her beliefs, while continuing to be kind is a skill we all need to learn.  I am lucky, I get her brand for free and I hope to see her soon.  Until then I keep practicing my skills and being genuine in what I say and do.

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